You Are a Real NY’er When:
Character Title: Wrong Way
I was biking down 23rd when this d-bag biking against traffic almost collides with me. I shouted, “You’re going the wrong way!” He didn’t appreciate this. He hops off his bike and yells, “What’d you say, faggot?!” So I told him again, “You’re. Going. The. Wrong. Way.” He continued spewing his favorite words like “cocksucker” and “fag” until he eventually biked off, continuing to go the wrong way down the street.
Scene Title: Mean Bum
The homeless man who frequents the corner near work set up in his usual spot and shouted his usual plea, “CAN Y’HALP M’OUT? CAN Y’HALP M’OUT? CAN Y’HALP M’OUT?” As I quickly walked by, on my way to doctor’s office, I looked at him and said, “Sorry, no.” He replied, “Y’JERK!”
Character Title: I should have thrown him in.
So I’m running south along the East River yesterday morning and I see this bastard suspiciously close to the rail along the sidewalk/water. As I pass him, he nervously looks at me over his shoulder. This motherfucker was taking a piss right into the river.
Scene Title: E. Vil
Is it my inability to smell or have I always been naive to the fact that people casually smoke pot on the street at night?
Character Title: Where’s Wayne?
I’m at a concert in some sort of abandoned store space. I’m waiting in line to use the unisex bathroom when I see him. Long, unkempt blond hair sticking out from a snap-back baseball cap. Oversized, thick frames sitting on the bridge of his nose. A crew neck sweatshirt and skinny jeans. I thought to myself, “My god. This is Garth from Wayne’s World if Wayne’s World were to come out in 2012.” Party on, Garth.