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Justine Swartz

Brooklyn, Brooklyn Heights

You Are a Real NY’er When:

It says so on your birth certificate.


  • Scene Title: BEAUTIFUL WOMAN

          I am Really Good at complimenting strangers with heartfelt passion. A young lady, all of her very ample curves were tightly bound by a shocking Lilac form fitting dress, was striding towards me.
     I said, ” You are a vision of loveliness come to life.” She sparkled and burst out with happiness saying,”This is the first time I am wearing a dress in two years.
    I have been on a diet and working out.”
           We talked a little more and she floated away from me.

  • “My life is so hard and you have made
    it worse. Do you know what it is to have a full belly and then have your food taken
    out of your mouth?  I am swallowing my tears and feasting on misery.
          Thank you.”

  • Scene Title: BAD MEDICINE

        Eduardo’s Aunt came in from Peru. The Doctors here said she had a cancerous brain tumor. I strongly advised Eduardo not to let his Aunt have the operation. She was talking, laughing, walking, before the operation. Now she is a vegetable, drooling on the bedsheets, sent home to die. 
           I feel so bad for poor Eduardo. 

  • Character Title: QUACKERY

       The jealous critics of Dr. Oz are dumb clucks and not smart as they are quacked up to be. Every supplement cited is recommended in glowing terms by Swanson, GNC, Amazon, Puritan Pride, Walgreens etc.. purveyors and pushers of Vitamin Pills, elixirs, and nutritional supplements. Those Columbia faculty eggheads are engaging in fowl play. For our greater good Dr. Oz encourages his flock to strive for better health with a peck of methods. It is a feather in his cap, just ducky, that Dr. Oz is popular, successful, and loved and that ain’t chicken feed. 

  • Quote Title: HUNGRY EYES

       “There were an an abundance of pizza places.
    I Was Starving. A lady walked by with a pizza box, noticed my eyes were drooling! She stopped, smiled, and gave me the first slice.”     

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